Yesterday was a day of new beginnings.
First of all, it marked the official start of the second half of the term, and to celebrate, the entire vihar went into a spring (?) cleaning frenzy. Wet kurtas and saris hung out in the sun, dripping from the clotheslines lining the hallway, and the smell of Dettol saturated the air from mop buckets and bathroom floors. After the super official health inspector, aka our history prof, cleared each of the rooms, she gave my room a giant pink star for doing the best job. It's a point of pride.
Maybe more importantly, though, was the wedding.
Gwendolyn, the program manager who makes sure that we have electricity, running water, and pillows at least the majority of the time, got married to Adam, her boyfriend of four years, this morning. As an American couple who met in Japan and tied the knot in India, they decided to have the wedding be a dual Theravadan-Zen ceremony. Being international is a lifestyle.
Now, I had a lot of trouble understanding the concept of marriage within Buddhism because a lot of people do it... but it doesn't make sense.
It's not uncommon in a lot of Buddhist countries for the groom-to-be to ordain as a monk for three months before the wedding day so that he gain the spiritual understanding and leadership he will need as a husband and father. In the same vein, thousands of monks disrobe every year because of the classic boy meets girl and falls in love story. But there's still a "but."
I've taken a lot from Buddhism over the past few weeks, and I really can't express how grateful I am for this opportunity and how much I've learned about myself, India, and life as a whole. But in the end, Buddhism says that there is no self, and these concepts of "me," "you," and any relationship between the two are conventional, conceptual fictions. To reach enlightenment, one lets go of "me," "mine," and desire, freeing him or herself from craving, and thus, suffering. This is a super Buddhism 101 summary, and there's so much more to it, but I'm just trying to set the scene.
Now, it wouldn't be a realistic expectation for everyone everywhere to drop everything, shave their heads, and pick up some robes. The sangha (monastic community) depends on the alms of the laypeople for their food and shelter as they continue on their journey towards nirvana. In turn, the laypeople make merit that will enable them to be reborn in another life in a position that will allow them to ordain and reach enlightenment. Eventually.
But the underpinning thought is still there: live your life, fall in love, but know that ultimately, it's not real. So tonight, I went to dinner with Sensei, and he restored all of my faith in a chuckling, almost incomprehensible English. Buddhism says that there are two realities: conventional and ultimate. And the key part of understanding either is realizing that both are real. Nirvana is samsara, reality is delusion. Zen isn't about theory, labeling, or philosophy; it's about living. It's about the pure experience of reality, conventional or otherwise, and love can be a part of that.
"Marry You" by Bruno Mars
Admittedly, I'm caught in the throes of conventional reality. I get attached, I get hurt, and sometimes, I suffer. But I'm no where near giving that up.
From where I stand, I want to want. I want to be happy and enjoy the happiness that I have here and now. Whatever pain comes along the way is life, and it's worth it.
The wedding this morning was absolutely beautiful. Everyone dressed up (makeup allowed), Indian kids ran in, out, and all around the Mahabodhi, pilgrims crammed their way in to watch, and the nuns were taking an endless string of pictures. All was India, and all was right.
There shouldn't be a "but" in life or love, and something I've really enjoyed about meditation, zen especially, is the idea that everything just is. There is life, there is love. No questions, no hesitations.
I don't believe in fairy tales, but I do believe in magic. I believe in the ups, the downs, and all the beauty in between. Magic isn't in a lamp, ruby slippers, or all the fairy dust in the world. It's about coming home from a 9 to 5 to a cup of coffee, an advil, and a kid running up to the car door. It's about sitting out on the porch for a summertime sunset. Magic isn't extraordinary or supernatural--it's an everyday, mundane miracle.
First of all, it marked the official start of the second half of the term, and to celebrate, the entire vihar went into a spring (?) cleaning frenzy. Wet kurtas and saris hung out in the sun, dripping from the clotheslines lining the hallway, and the smell of Dettol saturated the air from mop buckets and bathroom floors. After the super official health inspector, aka our history prof, cleared each of the rooms, she gave my room a giant pink star for doing the best job. It's a point of pride.
Maybe more importantly, though, was the wedding.
Gwendolyn, the program manager who makes sure that we have electricity, running water, and pillows at least the majority of the time, got married to Adam, her boyfriend of four years, this morning. As an American couple who met in Japan and tied the knot in India, they decided to have the wedding be a dual Theravadan-Zen ceremony. Being international is a lifestyle.
Now, I had a lot of trouble understanding the concept of marriage within Buddhism because a lot of people do it... but it doesn't make sense.
It's not uncommon in a lot of Buddhist countries for the groom-to-be to ordain as a monk for three months before the wedding day so that he gain the spiritual understanding and leadership he will need as a husband and father. In the same vein, thousands of monks disrobe every year because of the classic boy meets girl and falls in love story. But there's still a "but."
I've taken a lot from Buddhism over the past few weeks, and I really can't express how grateful I am for this opportunity and how much I've learned about myself, India, and life as a whole. But in the end, Buddhism says that there is no self, and these concepts of "me," "you," and any relationship between the two are conventional, conceptual fictions. To reach enlightenment, one lets go of "me," "mine," and desire, freeing him or herself from craving, and thus, suffering. This is a super Buddhism 101 summary, and there's so much more to it, but I'm just trying to set the scene.
Now, it wouldn't be a realistic expectation for everyone everywhere to drop everything, shave their heads, and pick up some robes. The sangha (monastic community) depends on the alms of the laypeople for their food and shelter as they continue on their journey towards nirvana. In turn, the laypeople make merit that will enable them to be reborn in another life in a position that will allow them to ordain and reach enlightenment. Eventually.
But the underpinning thought is still there: live your life, fall in love, but know that ultimately, it's not real. So tonight, I went to dinner with Sensei, and he restored all of my faith in a chuckling, almost incomprehensible English. Buddhism says that there are two realities: conventional and ultimate. And the key part of understanding either is realizing that both are real. Nirvana is samsara, reality is delusion. Zen isn't about theory, labeling, or philosophy; it's about living. It's about the pure experience of reality, conventional or otherwise, and love can be a part of that.
"Marry You" by Bruno Mars
Admittedly, I'm caught in the throes of conventional reality. I get attached, I get hurt, and sometimes, I suffer. But I'm no where near giving that up.
From where I stand, I want to want. I want to be happy and enjoy the happiness that I have here and now. Whatever pain comes along the way is life, and it's worth it.
The wedding this morning was absolutely beautiful. Everyone dressed up (makeup allowed), Indian kids ran in, out, and all around the Mahabodhi, pilgrims crammed their way in to watch, and the nuns were taking an endless string of pictures. All was India, and all was right.
There shouldn't be a "but" in life or love, and something I've really enjoyed about meditation, zen especially, is the idea that everything just is. There is life, there is love. No questions, no hesitations.
"The question in Buddhism is with the 'I' and the 'you,' but the love? The love is real." (Katie, our TA)
I don't believe in fairy tales, but I do believe in magic. I believe in the ups, the downs, and all the beauty in between. Magic isn't in a lamp, ruby slippers, or all the fairy dust in the world. It's about coming home from a 9 to 5 to a cup of coffee, an advil, and a kid running up to the car door. It's about sitting out on the porch for a summertime sunset. Magic isn't extraordinary or supernatural--it's an everyday, mundane miracle.
The latest incarnation of Oedipus, the continued romance of Beauty and the Beast, stand this afternoon on the corner of Forty-second Street and Fifth Avenue, waiting for the traffic light to change." (Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces)I'm not ready to give up on the story, and even if there's no palace, no wizard in the land of Oz, there is absolutely a happily ever after. And it starts today.
I love your outlook on things! And man- you sure look handsome!! I miss you Joe and I love seeing glimpses of your life. Love you lots! Mom
ReplyDeleteJoe, Gabby graciously gave me the link to your blog when I asked her for it. You have a 'way with words'. Visuals and emotions come through in your writing so clearly to me. I have very much enjoyed reading your blog, 'hearing' you and seeing this foreign land, language, culture, etc. through you. Thank you for sharing your experiences and please keep writing! Jeanne Balz.....
ReplyDelete