I've been out of the States for about a month now, but it feels like it's been a lifetime and more (which, thanks to rebirth, is totally possible). These are the things that, when I'm surrounded by cows and Sri Lankan pilgrims, I cling to like Oz or Santa Clause. These are the faintly remembered dreams of another place, another time that at this point might never have been real to begin with.
1. Air conditioning: India is HOT! There really isn't much else to say. A fan or a cool breeze are merciful gifts from God that faintly dry the constant streams of sweat dripping down my back. But to stop sweating completely? Over my dehydrated, sunburned body.
A magic machine that turns an entire room cold? Don't tell me lies.
2. Meat: Going 100% veg really hasn't been that much of an issue, and as someone who has had zero experience with Indian food, I'm enjoying the hundreds of ways there are to avoid eating animals. But sometimes, when I'm waiting for another round of buttered naan, I can't help but think of a bacon cheeseburger dripping with fat and barbecue sauce.
3. Black people: Thought I saw one guy today walking to the Japanese temple, but he was South Indian. The search continues.
4. Consistent electricity: There have been many light-less study sessions in the library spent not knowing whether it's worth the effort to go get my candle. And there have been even more meditation sessions that have been solely dedicated to sending metta to the fan. I firmly believe that a constant flow of power is impossible.
5. Cold milk: Earlier this trip, I was craving something cold. A milkshake, a smoothie... hell, an ice cube would have worked, which is also a myth of America. I almost cried when I saw cereal and a giant vat of milk at breakfast. I'm pretty sure I managed a few authentic tears when I sat down and saw steam coming up from my cornflakes. It was hot milk
Honestly, it would almost be worth a few days over a toilet for a cold glass of 2% and a nice PB 'n J.
6. Jeans: I wore them in the States, I wore them in London, but now, my jeans are just decorations I put on my shelf a long time ago. The thickness, the stiffness... the pockets! Unbelievable. Now, I'm rocking some hardcore pajama pants...and that's on the days that I'm wearing pants.
7. IPhones: Complete and constant access to the internet anywhere, anytime. Want to know what the weather will be later? No problem. Lost? Don't ask a local in tragically broken Hindi, just ask Siri.
8. $10 meals: Last night, I went to a fancy Thai restaurant for some pad thai, and the bill was around 140 Rps., which is around $3 rounded up. That was an expensive night out. Tonight, for three dhosas, three mago drinks, and some chai: also $3. When a bottle of water is around 40 cents, the $5 footlong looks like a scam.
9. Midnight: I woke up at 12:00 a.m. once, and it was for a middle-of-the-night trip to the bathroom. My wake-up time is a pretty established 5:15 am, so falling asleep at 10:00 p.m. is a quick recipe for a very angry, never fun Joe.
10. Parties: going hand in hand with the nonexistence of midnight, my Saturday nights are more likely spent up on the roof looking at the stars. The Five Precepts and a 9:00 curfew have done a pretty good job of stamping out sin.
11. Multiple brands:
"I'd like some toilet paper, please."
"You're in luck! We have one of those."
"Thanks, India."
12. Set prices: Haggling has become a favorite hobby of mine. Since I'm white, I'm automatically a rich tourist in the eyes of all venders, beggars, and rickshaw drivers. If I don't work them down to at least half price, I'm doing something terribly wrong.
13. Washing Machines: No one who has a washing machine should have dirty laundry. Ever.
For the most part, I don't trust myself with my kurtas, pajamas, and lungis. Here, Dadai-ji (Grandmother) takes our nasty, sweat-soaked laundry, and in a few days, she comes back with a pile of crisp, fresh, and ironed goodness. And it only costs about 120 Rps.
But when it comes to my boxers, tshirts, and workout pants, I go old school. The soaking, soaping, rinsing, and wringing take a solid 40 minutes to get it all done. Then a long day in the sun should finish the job. The idea that I could toss in clothes, taking about 2 minutes, and use those other 38 to sit back, eat some chips, and watch t.v.? Never will I complain again.
1. Air conditioning: India is HOT! There really isn't much else to say. A fan or a cool breeze are merciful gifts from God that faintly dry the constant streams of sweat dripping down my back. But to stop sweating completely? Over my dehydrated, sunburned body.
A magic machine that turns an entire room cold? Don't tell me lies.
2. Meat: Going 100% veg really hasn't been that much of an issue, and as someone who has had zero experience with Indian food, I'm enjoying the hundreds of ways there are to avoid eating animals. But sometimes, when I'm waiting for another round of buttered naan, I can't help but think of a bacon cheeseburger dripping with fat and barbecue sauce.
3. Black people: Thought I saw one guy today walking to the Japanese temple, but he was South Indian. The search continues.
4. Consistent electricity: There have been many light-less study sessions in the library spent not knowing whether it's worth the effort to go get my candle. And there have been even more meditation sessions that have been solely dedicated to sending metta to the fan. I firmly believe that a constant flow of power is impossible.
5. Cold milk: Earlier this trip, I was craving something cold. A milkshake, a smoothie... hell, an ice cube would have worked, which is also a myth of America. I almost cried when I saw cereal and a giant vat of milk at breakfast. I'm pretty sure I managed a few authentic tears when I sat down and saw steam coming up from my cornflakes. It was hot milk
Honestly, it would almost be worth a few days over a toilet for a cold glass of 2% and a nice PB 'n J.
6. Jeans: I wore them in the States, I wore them in London, but now, my jeans are just decorations I put on my shelf a long time ago. The thickness, the stiffness... the pockets! Unbelievable. Now, I'm rocking some hardcore pajama pants...and that's on the days that I'm wearing pants.
7. IPhones: Complete and constant access to the internet anywhere, anytime. Want to know what the weather will be later? No problem. Lost? Don't ask a local in tragically broken Hindi, just ask Siri.
8. $10 meals: Last night, I went to a fancy Thai restaurant for some pad thai, and the bill was around 140 Rps., which is around $3 rounded up. That was an expensive night out. Tonight, for three dhosas, three mago drinks, and some chai: also $3. When a bottle of water is around 40 cents, the $5 footlong looks like a scam.
9. Midnight: I woke up at 12:00 a.m. once, and it was for a middle-of-the-night trip to the bathroom. My wake-up time is a pretty established 5:15 am, so falling asleep at 10:00 p.m. is a quick recipe for a very angry, never fun Joe.
10. Parties: going hand in hand with the nonexistence of midnight, my Saturday nights are more likely spent up on the roof looking at the stars. The Five Precepts and a 9:00 curfew have done a pretty good job of stamping out sin.
11. Multiple brands:
"I'd like some toilet paper, please."
"You're in luck! We have one of those."
"Thanks, India."
12. Set prices: Haggling has become a favorite hobby of mine. Since I'm white, I'm automatically a rich tourist in the eyes of all venders, beggars, and rickshaw drivers. If I don't work them down to at least half price, I'm doing something terribly wrong.
13. Washing Machines: No one who has a washing machine should have dirty laundry. Ever.
For the most part, I don't trust myself with my kurtas, pajamas, and lungis. Here, Dadai-ji (Grandmother) takes our nasty, sweat-soaked laundry, and in a few days, she comes back with a pile of crisp, fresh, and ironed goodness. And it only costs about 120 Rps.
But when it comes to my boxers, tshirts, and workout pants, I go old school. The soaking, soaping, rinsing, and wringing take a solid 40 minutes to get it all done. Then a long day in the sun should finish the job. The idea that I could toss in clothes, taking about 2 minutes, and use those other 38 to sit back, eat some chips, and watch t.v.? Never will I complain again.
Brosef, all this sounds hilariously amazing. Miss you dearly, glad they're stamping out all your sin! :)
ReplyDeleteGretta
Laughing so hard the tears are streaming down my face. Thanks for taking me on this journey with you...
ReplyDelete